A Stroke Day

An all-round shitty day. First, I was criticised about three times for having a pop at my wife – not something I intended – so decided that the best thing was just not to say anything. So I’ve been sitting in silence since 11 o’clock this morning.

I also picked up a new batch of meds today, when we went out for groceries. As we got home, I was carrying the meds in my teeth and a shopping bag in my hand. The bag containing my meds fell apart, the meds went everywhere. When I picked the meds up, I’m missing one. Did I forget to order it, or have I lost the box I already had? I’d only just started that one – meds never all run out on the same day, and this was the last one in my particular cycle. I mean, in some ways, I’m thankful that it was just the statin, which isn’t one of the major meds. But annoying – I’ll have to rejig my schedule next month to make sure I don’t run out.

A couple of hours ago I was having a cup of tea and watching some comedy on tv. I must have taken a sip when something made me laugh. The next thing, I’m choking. Our mouth goes down to our stomach one way, and our lungs the other. One of the very common effects of stroke is that the valve which decides between the two is damaged. So, someone who has suffered a stroke is more likely to have their food “go down the wrong way”. In fact, it is one of the diagnostics – hospitals will do what they call a “swallow test” to ascertain the state of someone’s airways.

So I’m sitting here, coughing, gradually expelling the air from my lungs. I’m desperate to get some air in there. I managed to get the back door open, to get some fresh air, and am out on the patio. In between splutters, I’m starting to get some air into my lungs and feel a bit less desperate. But unfortunately, I’ve been sick all over my jumper and pants. Not only that, but when I’m breathing enough to go back into the house, two of the chickens had also come in, and were almost into the bedrooms. So lots of shoo-ing followed, then a change of clothes.

I’m faffing around getting clean stuff on, and putting the dirty clothes in the washer, after which I finally get to sit down. On my glasses. Who put them there? I pick the glasses up and check for damage. One of the lenses is missing. I’m sitting on that too. I get the lens and put it back into the frame, but the frame is loose. The tiny screw is missing. The lens will just about stay in, but it is all very flimsy. So I’ll need to go to an opticians to try and get them to replace the screw – I can’t find the old one, and even if I could, my vision isn’t good enough to be able to get it in the hole. With only one functioning arm I wouldn’t be able to screw it in anyway. So I’m basically sitting here feeling very cheated – I don’t see what I’ve done to deserve any of this. And I hate relying on other people.

I should have just stayed in bed today.

Author: Stroke Survivor UK

Designed and developed IT systems for banks, but had a stroke in 2016, aged 48. Returned to developing from home, and have since released a couple of apps. I split my time between this and voluntary work. I am married, with a grown-up, left-home child.

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