Pushing Myself

When I started this blog, I wanted to make it more than just a diary. Not just what I did, but who I am. But for this post, I’m just going to tell of yesterday’s events.

In the morning I headed out to Salisbury, for some food shopping. So I was on the 10:40am bus – even at that time of the day it was clearly going to be a lovely day. This is was earlier than my normal “going out” time, when I go out at all. So I found myself in Salisbury for just after 11am. A quick trip to Tesco’s for some shopping, then on to the next stage in my plan – I got the bus back up to the hospital – this was just the bus which runs regularly from the city-centre to the hospital, and no further. My own bus also runs from the city centre to the hospital, but carries on out to my village, and also runs a lot less frequently. My intention was to drop off some leaflets onto the stroke ward, then to catch “my” bus back home.

All went to plan. I got up to the hospital, dropped my leaflets off and was back home for 1:30pm. Bear in mind I have a hefty walk to/from the bus stop, so even by that time, I was fit to drop. I had to sit down for half an hour before I could even make my lunch, and after lunch I had to go for a lie-down.

But I wasn’t finished for the day. After my nap, I managed to get the mower out and gave the front lawn its first trim of the year.I do find mowing really difficult – I don’t have much strength in me any more and even though I’ve mastered getting the thing started, actually pushing it is a major effort – this thing weighs several tens of kilograms anyway and even trivial things like twigs under the wheels can be an obstacle for me. Of course, with this being the first cut of the year, there were lots of twigs on the lawn too, winter debris. The narrower twigs, the mower would just pulverise, but the wider twigs would stop me in my tracks – I didn’t have the strength to push past them, so I’d have to totally stop and clear them by hand.

So, on the plus side, the lawn now looks a lot neater, even though, being the first cut of the year, I left the grass quite long. I just about had the energy to get my supper then was in bed, knackered, by 8:30pm. Didn’t even have the energy to put the hens to bed – and they repaid me by loudly clucking outside my bedroom at 6 o’clock this morning.

Welcome to my life! I know that the only way out of this is to continue to push myself physically, but today I’m going to stay on the sofa.

Author: Stroke Survivor UK

Designed/developed IT systems for banks, but had a stroke in 2016, aged 48. Returned to developing from home, plus do some voluntary work. Married, with a grown-up, left-home daughter.

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