The Caramel Crunch (28 March 2020)

Over at Caramel (Learner at Love), CARAMEL has started a new prompt. I’d like to see her prompt do well, and I had some time today to write a post, so here we go…

The prompts are called the Caramel Crunch and so far are centered around a moral question. For your convenience I shall repeat her question.

You are spending time with a close friend (or perhaps someone you are courting) at a public venue – perhaps at a shop or eating in a restaurant. Your friend is unhappy about the service, but when expressing their complaint, they are very rude to a member of staff. What do you do?

Hmmm…tricky one.

It is definitely a negative thing. But I’m not sure about fatal.

The reason I think it might not be fatal is because it happened when I first met my wife. Similar. We’d ordered an afternoon tea, the waitress screwed up the order (which, being afternoon tea, was pretty straightforward), and my wife was less than kind. Even at the time, I didn’t like it, but I never said anything. Having said that, it was quite belittling but I wouldn’t have described it as very rude. We got over it and twenty years later, we’re still married. I know her well enough now to realise that what I saw was a one-off. And my wife does not know to this day how mad I was at her. Well, I guess she does now, if she reads this post 🙂.

So I guess the question is really is being rude to a waiter/waitress grounds to end something? In my ivory tower, I say yes. In practise, I said no.

Incidentally, my response to that situation would likely be just to be polite, point out the mistake so it can hopefully be rectified, to chalk it up to experience, but at the same time to remember it and probably not go there again.

If it were a friend? I’m sorry, I can’y really conceive of a friend behaving in such a way. Put the other way, if they behaved like that, they wouldn’t be a friend.

I guess this fits, Fandango’s FOWC for yesterday, which was “confession”. Sorry buddy, I didn’t see it and forgot about it, until I saw someone’s response this morning.

The Caramen Crunch (21 March 2020)

Over at Caramel (Learner at Love), CARAMEL has started a new prompt. I’d like to see her prompt do well, and I had some time today to write a post, so here we go…

The prompts are called the Caramel Crunch and so far are centered around a moral question. For your convenience I shall repeat her question.

Your best friend (or someone you are dating) has surprised you by buying tickets to a live entertainment show. As the show starts, you become uncomfortable because you find the entertainment offensive. However, the person who paid for your tickets is clearly enjoying the entertainment a great deal. You decide to wait and see of the tone of the entertainment changes, but it only becomes more and more offensive to you. You friend just seems to be smiling and laughing more and more. What do you do?

Okay, I think the key phrase here is as the show starts.

If you knew you in advance that you were likely not going to enjoy the show, you should have backed out then.

If you wait until the performance starts, then decide, I think you’re probably just going to have to suck it up.

Maybe make a mental note not to go out to “entertainment” with that friend again? If it’s a date, then liking different things sounds quite incompatible to me, whatever attraction there might be.


I’ve been vaguely in this situation myself quite recently. About a year ago, against my better judgement, I agreed to go out to lunch with somebody. I ended up both not enjoying the lunch, and being unable to do the other tasks I had planned for that afternoon because the lunch took so long.

What could I do? I was 10 miles freom home and did not have any transport, so the difference between my situation and this is that I couldn’t really do anything except suck it up.

I think these experiences can happen, but I think we have to learn from them and make sure they never happen twice.

Lots of crunching today 😃

The Caramel Crunch (14 March 2020)

Over at Caramel (Learner at Love), CARAMEL has started a new prompt. I’d like to see her prompt do well, and I had some time today to write a post, so here we go…

The prompts are called the Caramel Crunch and so far are centered around a moral question. For your convenience I shall repeat her question.

You have met someone you really like. There has been some innocent flirting between you and after exchanging phone numbers you have been in contact frequently and been out for a couple of dates. It is still early days though. Your life long best friend tells you that they have met someone and have fallen in love and it turns out to be that same person. Your best friend is a little shy, but they tell you they want to ask the person you have been flirting with out on a date. What do you do?

Okay, let’s take this bit by bit.

Two friends, going out casually with the same partner. I don’t necessarily see a problem there, don’t even think that the partner has an obligation to disclose, but the keyword is casual. I think there is a point at which the partner needs to make a choice – one, the other, or neither, but I certainly think that there is some period of time before that when seeing more than one person is acceptable.

So, you both find out you’ve been dating the same person.

Here’s what I’d like to say:

  • that your friend comes first, that your friend will be your friend long past a partner (mostly). So, the friendship is more important than any relationship.

Here’s what always happened to me (and to my friends):

  • you drop all your friends for the new partner. The reason they are friends is because they somehow accept this, and will be your friend again once the partner is an ex-partner. That is always how it worked out in the real world.

So what do you do in this specific scenario?

I think the question is loaded a bit. Your friend is shy. So perhaps they have more of a problem finding a partner? Also, they are your best friend – so shouldn’t you do everything for each other?

Well, certainly that last part cuts both ways. And as for the first part, if your friend ever found out you acted out of pity, I doubt they’d be your friend much longer.

So, what are the options?

  • You give up the partner so your friend has a clear run. Very possibly, a big loss on your part. I think we meet so few potential life partners that if we think we have found one, we should really follow it through. So, not ideal.
  • Or, your friend does the same. Ditto.
  • Or, maybe you both sit down with the partner? So he chooses one of you? But by forcing the issue, maybe you are just priming the partner up to choose neither of you? So again, the odds seem stacked against you.

I dunno. Is there any way you could carry on seeing this partner, let things run their course with them, and claim ignorance if the **** ever hits the fan? I’ve often found in other situations that it is better appear a little more ignorant than we actually are.

I guess if none of those is an option, you’re choosing between your friend and your partner.

Or, I did see a documentary last year about polyamourous people – they do exist, apparently 🙂.